The One Question That Will Build Your Network Faster & Stronger

Nowadays, at least here in the city, the phrase “let’s grab coffee sometime” is ubiquitous.

It’s one of the most agreed-upon formats for keeping in touch with colleagues, past co-workers, friends, mentors, etc.

Recently, I found myself catching up over coffee with a good friend of mine from another VC firm. After about 30 minutes of trading notes and casual chatter, we settled up at the register, grabbed our coats, and just as we started to walk towards the door he turned to me and asked: “So, how can I help?”

I stopped in my tracks.

Frankly, I was surprised at how surprised I felt because, in reality, it’s not like this was some “out-there” question. Normally, when I leave one of these little coffee meetings, the niceties tend to be something more like “let’s do this again” or “I’ll be in touch.”

So after we parted ways, I thought for a while about why this simple question caught me so off guard. It didn’t take long for me to understand why. In our endlessly busy lives, we have a terribly bad habit of defaulting to a cynical and selfish baseline. With all that we have on our plates, both professionally and personally, why would we ever offer up brain space willingly to take on concerns or challenges of others? We immediately regress to a closed-off self, so as to protect our precious time for our own priorities.

The 'Busy' Trap*If you live in America in the 21st century you've probably had to listen to a lot of people tell you how busy they are…*opinionator.blogs.nytimes.comBut what do we lose by acting this way? Our ability to connect with others. Helping others is one of the most authentic and gracious forms of connection.

Here’s my proposal: help everyone you meet.

Your initial thought might be something along the lines of “That’s way too idealistic. To just offer up your help up to everyone you meet? No one has time for that.” But hear me out: After interacting with someone who you’d like to incorporate into your personal network, invest just five minutes of your brainpower—directly after you meet or chat—towards helping them in some small way. Additionally, include this help in your follow-up email (side note: always send a follow-up email immediately after catching up with anyone). This gesture of help, however small it may be, will strengthen and expand your personal network more effectively and with less effort than anything else.

So the next time you meet someone that you’d like to add to your personal network, finish the conversation with: “So, how can I help?”

See where this takes you—the answer may be pleasantly surprising.

See you tomorrow.